Procrastination struck me again, I have
failed to post 2 of my blog posts that were supposed to be within the 1st
semester season, ohmygosh, now if I post
them it’ll be a little out of date and boring.
Well, anyway right this very moment I
can feel this distressing and odd urge to write about the first day of my
semester break, I am going to tell you right now that it wasn't happy but it was
peculiarly atypical.
I drowned to a complete silence with
additional back pain, Due to frantic desire I have put myself in a very awkward
situation. I consumed a pill and became hyper. Then, when I finally got hold of the chance to indulge in the place
I want to be, I traveled back from time to time, seeing and learning things that
added up to my knowledge. Had a trip around Italy and Rome, seen a person
catching and trying to kill another person, entered Inferno, and used the
breeze as my blanket. Jaw-dropping huh? I couldn't believe it myself either. You
must be thinking I was just high, here’s what REALLY happened.
Today,
I went to school even though I know I won’t be seeing any of my classmates
there because of the reason that we are already on our semester break, I went
there (because I had to do something which is kind of irrelevant to the story
so I am choosing not to write it here anymore) and should stay there until 3 pm.
So, I arrived school at around 7 am, as usual, I waited for our 4-story
library to open at 8 am, so it appears that, I will be waiting outside, where
there is a surprisingly comfortable couch, so I sat there and to tell you I was
so sleepy I wanted to lie down like I wasn't in school, but ethics are ethics
so I bore the line of pain that stretches from my neck to my whole back for 30
minutes or so. A nice janitor came sweeping the floor, I asked him if the
library, the Information Commons, to be
exact (where there are more couches and where you can freely use a computer
with an internet), will be opened in 30 minutes, he said it probably will open
because there are still students in the campus who may wish to use it, so I
waited, after 15 minutes, after I have eaten everything that is edible in my
bag, I stood up and realized that the thought that the library will be opened
is a huge illusion. There are no students walking around maybe because they’re
all taking their final exams and/or are preoccupied of the things they reviewed,
and then there was me waiting for the library to be opened.
I walked around reading through bulletin
boards and going to the restroom in oddly number of times, just to see if I still
look fine, and I felt like I was invisible. I felt like if there will be war at
that moment I will completely be unarmed, I have no companion, I am alone.
I felt gloomy and I wanted to read, the
bad thing is that I didn't bring a book because I thought there will be plenty
of books in the library so bringing one is not necessary. The weather was nice
so I decided to have a walk to my little sister’s school to stay there and read
children’s books because I really really
really want to read. While walking I kept thinking of reasons to tell the
guard why I want to go to their library, I came up with the reason that I will
be doing a research for my thesis (next semester) and it involves scanning through
children’s books, so when I arrived my sister’s school I told that to the guard
and he believed it (he already even gave me a visitor’s pass) BUT another guard
came along saying that I should have a letter signed by my professor proving
that I am really up to a good intention BLAH BLAH BLAH. WTAF. All I wanted was
to read, can you not understand that?! Ugghh. So I said “OK fine whatever” (in
a nice way lol) and left, now I still had to walk back to my own university
with the thought that this day is not going to go well.
I was at my school again and I am trying to convince myself that I feel dizzy so I can have an excuse to go to the clinic and sleep. So, after fooling myself that I don't feel well (due to excessive boredom), I went to the clinic hoping they will let me sleep, the nurse asked me a lot of things to know the source of my dizziness, I was so nervous I can't keep my answers straight, she can't determine why I was dizzy so she gave me Bonamine instead so it will prevent me from becoming more dizzy. And I think I became so hyper because of that, I felt so energetic, I wanted to dance.
I was so
desperate to do something productive, so I went to the 2nd Floor of
our library to check if it will be miraculously open, and it was. I asked the
librarian if I can stay there and read even though no services were offered
(like a student assistant in the baggage counter and an OPAC to use). And I was
permitted!
I WAS SO HAPPY. I WANTED TO LAUGH AND SCREAM OHMYGOD AGAIN AND AGAIN.
That was around a quarter to nine, I started to
read about Film, Film making, History of Film and the like. I kind of dozed off
for a couple of minutes then read again. I was so happy there were so many
books to read and so many hours to read them. I ate lunch alone and went back to the paradisaical library. Starting from 12 pm to 3 pm I read Inferno
by Dan Brown nonstop wishing I could
finish it in 3 hours which is totally impossible. I read around 20 chapters and
it felt like traversing in places in Europe. It was so eye-twitching; I thought
I was an addict.
It was time to leave, sadly, but before
I left I took several minutes and sat on a bench outside and reflected on what have happened this day
and this semester, the wind was flowing freely on my face, it was like the wind
is wrapping my entire body. The wind felt so serene, like river water gushing
on me, the place is so quiet, and it was so memorable I can still feel it right
now.
After that, I went home.
Today, I realized the most precious
things in the world come in simplest form like time, books and the wind. Who would
have imagined that the day I thought that will not go well happened to be one
of the most relaxing days of my life. Another thing is "An idle mind is a devil's workshop"it seems that I am proving that statement but come to think of it, I learned a lot of things, I knew what I was and wasn't capable of and I had fun. Time can be spent contentedly not only
with phones, companions and money but also with silence and aloneness. So next
time you have nothing to do, forget about your phone, do something weird, or just sit comfortably and observe
the magic and the wonders of the little things. It will awaken your inner awareness.
